I was merely fourteen years old and in Form Two when Mrs. Nthakanio got transferred to a school close-by to her husband’s, and Miss Karani got assigned her old CRE (Christian Religious Education) lessons.
We hoped she’d be the opposite of the former who was kinda always dull and so sloooooooooooooow in everything. It had started as a joke which she finally got wind of and would regularly joke,
“I know when you see me you see Piriton.” We’d all laugh, then slowly snooze the afternoon away.
Miss Karani turned out to be not more than a slight improvement. She must have been in her late thirties or forties at the time, divorced, and a Kikuyu for sure. Even then I could almost always correctly guess someone’s heritage by their physique. Very light skinned, big forehead, long hair, pretty face, big bosom, barely there booty and skinny legs.
Why the divorce guess? For the simple reason that she was of a certain age and with teenage kids.
Then, all the female teachers had a Mrs. attached before a man’s name. The few Misses (sic) were pretty much younger and fresh from college. Being a Mrs. was so important to these females that our school head who had a deadbeat, abusive and a drunk for a husband still clung on to his name. The man would scar her so bad she’d constantly miss work and not mentioning the constant embarrassing stunts he pulled in-front of other teachers and staff, parents and us; students.
Deep inside her she must have known that if she dared drop off the Mrs., her ladder of success would crumble.
That’s why I liked Miss Karani. She didn’t give a hoot about this stuff.
In one of our CRE lessons, we found ourselves off topic and I recall her asking us, then in Form 4, when is the Right time to have Kids. At the time, a classmate had dropped off school after getting pregnant and we all knew her timing was off.
After the age of 18 was wrong.
After school (university) was also wrong.
After you have had a job and start making money. Wrong.
Once you’re married. Wrong.
Think about another answer. Also wrong.
Turns out, the right time to have kids is – When You’re Ready.
Made no sense to us. What kind of an answer is that? When is Ready?
“How do you know when you’re ready?” One of us asked.
“Trust me, when you’re ready, you’ll know you’re ready.” She replied.
That to me turned out to be one of the greatest lessons I ever learnt in high school.
Over the years I’ve seen people make babies from as early as 10 years.
Little girls in primary schools have become mothers long before understanding the basics of Biology.
High schools girls with uncontrollable hormones and easily deceivable underdeveloped minds later join them.
The insane freedom in colleges and universities accompanied by the insatiable desire from the menfolk further welcomes the young ladies to motherhood.
The twenties are when a majority go all in – they all have boyfriends, some don’t want to use protection, a few want to start a family, others give in to peer pressure, several think having a baby will lock that man down, many can no longer stand the naggings from their mothers and aunties, a number of abortions gets botched, plenty don’t want to hit 30 before they’ve given birth, many marry and find themselves adhering to societal expectations…
Rarely ever though, do you come across a woman or a couple that is really Ready to have kids. Because, being ready almost never happens.
Many people will ignorantly tell you that ‘mtoto huja na sahani yake.’
In reality, being ready comes later in life. Much later.
From my inert inexperiences, I understand that being ready means that you’re physically, mentally, psychologically and financially stable. This way, you’re assured that you will be a parent that your child deserves. That you’ll be physically present to care for them and not have to hire someone or rely on nannies, relatives or teachers to parent your kid(s). That you can handle all the lows and downs your child demands without going bonkers and falling into depression. That you’ll be a parent who’s healed from your own childhood traumas or any other traumas and won’t be a toxic parent whose offspring will inherit all this negativity from you. That you’ll be 100% financially able to provide for your child’s needs and wants without having to wait on your spouse, beg or wait for the government or good Samaritans’ help. THAT, your child will have a better childhood and future than you did.
Of course there may be some in-eventualities, s**t happens. After all, nothing is perfect. But, if you can reach it better, that’s good enough.
In retrospect, this Readiness comes at a later age. For some women, it may not be as easy to get pregnant then, but for someone who’s financially ready, they can make do. What they can’t make do is having a Ready man by their side at this particular time. And so you’ll find most women who waited to be Ready for motherhood doing it by themselves. However, this is about YOU. Your being Ready. If you can be Ready with someone. GREAT. If not, also Great.
Today I watched a video of a 48 year old woman with her 3 year old son. They both seem so happy, radiant and positive, and she was celebrating how wonderful it is that her son came when she’s the best version of herself.
Now, finally, I know what Miss Karani missed out on telling us.
You’ll know you’re Ready when you’ve Truly become Best Version of Yourself.
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