There are these small nameless towns by the highway between Mwea and Difatha. It always baffles me how there are literally no visible home dwellings around but you’ll find families selling their farm produce by the roadside. Avocadoes, pawpaw, mangoes and tomatoes. The tastiest I have ever had. And at the cheapest price! And did I mention they pack them in crates or cartons.
I stopped by to get some pawpaw for my dad and avocadoes for everyone else, myself included, and, the minute you pull over; kids, girls, mothers and fathers flock your car holding up their goodies in display for you to buy. It can get suffocating, chaotic too.
Though on the far left side, the women got my attention, obviously, because I love women. The minute others realize that they have lost the battle, they leave in anticipation of the next vehicle. All but these two small kids by my right side who are struggling to hold up their fruit crate up the small window opening. I was willing to get it off their little hands until…
Until one of them blurted that other name that I detest. The name I’ve never been and hope I’ll never be referred to ever again. Mathee.
The utter mention of that name got my mood decelerated and had to get my business done ASAP and get out of there.
For heaven’s sake, how do you insult someone and expect to make a sale? Because mathee is an insult…especially to a 5’5 55kg sized lady.
Thinking of it, this isn’t the first time I had these bad names used on me, or other ladies, and going by my research, we all HATE it.
It’s always Hello Madam. Karibu Madam. Looking for something in particular Madam? May I Check your car Madam? Nikuuzie nini Madam? Tunaweka pesa ngapi leo Madam? The worst of them all is when I gave a guy my phone number and his first text read, Hi Madam…Instant Turn Off.
I’ve come to understand it’s a woman thing and men think it’s complimentary. Like my brother thought, before I corrected him, being called Madam must make me feel good, big and important. Or when my neighbour called me so and I corrected him too of which he tried defending himself alleging he didn’t know my name and all, and in his line of work they only refer to each other as Sir or Madam, so I tell him, Then ask me what my name is.
A friend was really pissed when this foreign older gentleman, probably the age of her father, referred to her as Ma’am throughout their interaction. The lady is really young, still has her young girly looks, dresses the same as well, and didn’t even have a wedding ring on, but this guy ended up making her thinking she looks so much older than she really is.
‘I think Ma’am sounds better than madam.’ I tried to console her.
I think it’s time people, particularly men, learnt that Madam to a woman is like an insult. No, actually, it’s an Insult. It’s a term used to let her know that she’s old, and women don’t ever want to hear that, cos’ they never get old, they remain forever 21 and age like fine wine.
Madam is a term we used for teachers back in the day out of respect. Teachers who were 20, 30 or 40 years older than we were. Calling some lady ‘Madam’ makes her feel the same way - that she’s older or looks older than you by those very years.
Madam is a term used to describe a woman who runs a brothel.
Madam carries this connotation of a tall, big, burly elderly no-nonsense woman working in a public office and who wears boring skirt and trouser suits.
I mean, if you meet me at my office and you have an appointment, and in a formal setting, you may go ahead and call me Ma’am, never Madam. But, out there, where we are all trying to get our grind on, or are trying to make a sale, please refer to me as Mrembo, or Sistee, or Msupa, Auntie I don’t like but it’s better than Madam, Excuse me too can do, Miss is perfect, or just call me by my name, and if you don’t know, Ask. Sellers have no idea how many sales they lose by Madam-ing ladies.
Next I should tell you about the useless stuff I have purchased because I was called Kasichana, Karembo or Mtoto Wangu.
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