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FRIENDS, MONEY & FAMILY

He says, when you lend money to a friend, you lose both the friend and the money.


In my world, a friend who can’t lend you money, despite being in a position to, is not worth the title.  The only fear is they may never pay you pack and that may create cracks in the friendship.  However true that is, I take money as the ultimate litmus test.  Paying back will solidify the friendship and not paying back will clarify the nature of your friendship, that those you thought of as friends are nothing but cons.

So, would you be comfortable seeing your friend in financial sinkhole and not offer help for the mere reason of safeguarding the friendship?  Does that even qualify as the true definition of a friendship?


A couple of years back, I was drowning in moneylessness and I had this really good rich friend of mine.  I was in my 20’s, he in his 30’s.  I lived in Eastlands, him in Westlands.  I lived in a bedsitter, him in a penthouse.  I rode a matatu every day to work, him, he had a chauffeur.  As I complained of a delayed salary, he was complaining of how the government had shortchanged him in a contract.  One time, the bill to our date was an equivalent to my monthly house rent.


On so many occasions I almost brought myself to ask him to lend me some cash but I always held back, because I feared it may screw up the friendship.  And so, I clung onto the friendship.


Today, thinking back, I realize that were that a true friendship, I wouldn’t have shied away from asking for help, or he being afraid to offer it.  Because, friendship, just like a marriage, should be able to withstand the merriments of the good times and the turbulence of the bad.


One time though, while in campus, right after my big brother who had visited left, my roommate had an emergency.  She was desperate and needed money urgently.  I felt sorry for the girl for I knew she was from a very poor background and was on work for study program.  Later on in the evening after I had lent her the money, she came back from a shopping spree – rugged jeans, tube tops and wedge shoes.  Man, was I mad!


And it’s not just friends, family too.


Families are fast to hold back supporting, helping or lending to a family member in fear that it will constrain family dynamics, and everyone needs to earn for themselves, so that none comes across as a charity case.


Interestingly, this kind of stinginess towards people close to you tends to be overcompensated towards strangers, and then, people get conned, and run back to friends and family for comfort.  Man, nothing feels good as having someone close to you get conned by a stranger after leaving you high and dry.


My 5 Commandments for lending to friends and family are Simple:

  • Don’t re-lend before the previous debt is settled.

  • Never lend what is asked.  Lessen it by a given percentage.

  • Only lend what you are okay loosing.

  • Don’t bombard someone with calls to pay up.  Trust me, they know.  It’s either they’re ignoring you or haven’t been able to yet.

  • Never invite outside parties into the contract.

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