After we were done with the countdown and the oohs and aahs whilst watching the fireworks, I made a solemn promise that 2024 will be my year.
12 months later, I am back to report that it hasn’t. In fact, it has been the worst and most financially draining of years.
2025 has to be different. It’ll definitely be my year. And this is how I know.
I don’t want to reach a few thousand customers with my high end products who can afford my insanely priced products. No. I want to reach millions of customers with my low end everyday products that they can never go without. The way matchbox and salt manufacturers do it. That's how you upgrade from being okay to being well off.
Secret No. 2. Target the women.
Selling to women is so damn easy because, all you got to do is inflict self-doubt and a bit of repulsion in who they are with a promise of perfection. And the best women to sell to; Black Women.
A woman ought to have long, silky straight hair. Tell her how ugly, unkempt, shaggy, unmanageable and cumbersome her beautiful kinks and curls are and, she digs deeper into her pocket for the most expensive wigs, weaves, braids and hair extensions, or relaxers.
Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. That sadly is the case no more. All girls want to be light skinned and God knows how businesses are making a killing out of marketing carcinogenic skin bleaching oils and lotions to women.
A woman's beauty is highly defined by her smile - a smile that flaunts her beauty of well aligned milky white teeth. Orthodontists are making a kill out of bleaching, aligning, replacing and closing the frontal gaps and teeth of women.
A woman got to have a beautiful petite hour glass kind of figure. If she can’t afford to dump money on a cosmetic surgeon, she has to invest in slimming teas and pills that never work, gym memberships that no one is disciplined enough to follow through or waist trainers and body shapers that leaves them suffocating and gasping for air.
A woman has to forever remain young. Those crows feet around the eyes and laugh lines around the mouth and bags under the eyes and pores on the cheeks are an easy fix if you can afford Cera Ve products and some Botox.
A woman’s curves, beautiful as they may be, have to come with no stretch marks attached. So how about we fix that we some Bio Oil and make sure you massage it into your skin for about 5 minutes 2-3 times a day and you’ll never see results after 5 years?
A woman should retain her child-like features in all ages. Say bye-bye to the bushes and forests in your privates and armpits and legs and face too with the best wax and creams.
A woman sure needs to fix those errs God made when He made her. Shave off those brows and tattoo a proper seamless curvaceous brow that lasts all year. We’ll also add in extra long lashes to brighten those miniature ones she got.
A woman should have a beautiful scent, like that of flowers, that’s what keeps a man coming for more. C’mon, you can’t trust the self cleaning secretions that your body produces to cleanse your privates.
Douches will get rid of that natural aphrodisiacal smell and introduce in you a better smelly Coco accompanied by loads of side effects and infections.
A woman’s nails should never be short, clean and ivory. Modern nail polish and dangerous LED UV dryers will glow them up in all colors and designs that transforms you from a kienyeji to a classy lady.
A woman’s face is as naked as a blank canvass. Thankfully, Maybelline has a line of products to help hide those blemishes and faults and contour a perfect 10+ years younger mask of you.
A woman’s breasts should defy gravity. No matter their age or mouths they have fed, they should forever remain firm and perky. So many creams and pills on sale lying they’ll do the fix, and only a few surgeons good enough to do a perfect job that’s gets botched months later...same thing with vaginal rejuvenation.
See what I'm driving at? All I got to do is find more fault in women and design a product that doesn't work to help fix a problem that doesn't exist, and that way, 2025 will be my Year!
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