Last Sunday afternoon, somewhere along Limuru Road while taking my weekly long drives through the beautiful rural landscapes around the city in an effort to decongest my mind, I felt my bladder just about to burst.
I suffer from a phobia of shared washrooms so usually, I hold my bladder till I get home, whereupon I rush to the toilet and it takes me like 15 minutes to get it out, cos’ it comes out in droplets, and though painful and dangerous, the feeling is so satisfying.
I stop by a Total petrol station and I'm directed to their washrooms.
First things first, why do they have to always keep them locked?
You have to go back and find someone to get you a key.
Inside, the floors are always wet, walls stained, the bowl poorly flushed. And of course, there’s never any tissue paper, a sanitary bin or water in the cistern. The tap by the sink is ever dry and of course, no hand-washing soap.
Kenya’s toilet situation I believe has to be the worst in the world. From people’s homes to schools, restaurants, hotels, offices and public areas, the filth remains the same. So bad is it that I'm scarred for life. I occasionally get loo-themed nightmares!

In my first school, a rural day school, the washrooms had no doors. You had to have your friends stand by the door as you did your business lest you be seen by the whole school (the loos faced the main field).
Our neighbour back home had an old dirty and holed-up sack for a door whereas the floor was made of planks of wood that were slowly being eaten down by termites.
The first boarding school I went to had an ablution block that would block every other week and the smell was ever constant especially at night as we slept, since the dorms were right beside them.
Boarding school number two only had two pit latrines for an entire school. The ablution block (for boarders) was somewhat better since we had janitresses who would leave buckets of water right outside. Still, they didn't have a single working bulb for the pitch dark nights.
The boarding high school I attended was another big mess. The pit latrines would stink so much we’d take off our sweaters before going in or, you’d stink like loo the entire day. Dormitory ablution block was worse. Why have WCs in an institution that doesn’t have running water? Of course the stench was ever present and the Form One’s were the unfortunate ones who had to sleep right beside them - for an entire year!
In campus, the hostels were an improvement, filthy all the same. Though the water was in plenty, the floors were constantly wet and the seat area muddy with shoeprints plus a couple of broken handles and un-flushable s***t.
The institutions and job places I’ve been to ever since, nothing much has changed, maybe a slight improvement. At most I would name one place that had really good loos that made them worth being referred to as ‘The Ladies’ and where you could actually go to Powder your Nose.
Nairobi, though she boasts to being the top city in the region, stands out as the perfect example that continues to fail in creating clean washrooms for the public. Not only are the kanjo choo’s easy to locate because of their bad combo of colours; Green and Yellow, but, the nasty smell emanating from the inside announces themselves from tens of metres always.
There’s never running water or soap to wash your hands with in these poorly lit dungeons, the floors are ever wet and dirty, lights never work, the doors only cover half the doorway, the roof about to cave in, some dirty guy offering you cut tissue at the doorway which in my view isn’t safe to wipe your coochie with…these are the kind of dingy loos that could make great scenes for a horror film.
Restaurant ones, especially within crowded areas, may not be as bad, but still, are nowhere near basic hygiene standards.
What’s even worse is most don’t have tissues paper inside!
Then there’s this particular one, should I say the name…okay, it’s a mall in Ngong Town, where you have to pay to use the facilities. How insane is that? Do all your shopping and spend loads of cash in the mall but can’t use the washroom for free?
I feel this sort of mediocrity is what has resulted in the filth and stench that renders all back alleys in major towns and cities in the county impassable. God knows how fatal an outbreak resulting from all this would wipe an entire generation down.
In my book, just like you should be able to walk into any restaurant and ask for water, and it be offered to you at no cost, so should be the washrooms.
And on that note, why don’t our supermarkets and banks have washrooms for their customers?
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